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  1. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A Texas rancher was visiting a farmer in Israel. The proud Israeli showed him around. "Here is where I grow tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Over there I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse," the farmer said. The land was tiny, and the Texan was surprised by its small size. "Is...
  2. Movie Actor - Movie title game

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    Al Pacino
  3. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A penguin is driving along the highway when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rear view mirror. He pulls off the highway and finds the nearest service station, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened...
  4. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    Guy walks into my parts store. Says "I need a gas cap for a Kia." I said, okay, sounds like a fair trade.
  5. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    "I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake; it's an emergency "make the...
  6. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
  7. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
  8. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.
  9. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A baby seal walks into a club... *rimshot* :D
  10. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop...
  11. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
  12. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.
  13. Movie Actor - Movie title game

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    Cameron Diaz
  14. Movie Actor - Movie title game

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    Black Hawk Down
  15. Movie Actor - Movie title game

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    Zero Dark Thirty
  16. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”...
  17. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
  18. Movie Actor - Movie title game

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    Pirates of the Caribbean
  19. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice...
  20. Official Joke Thread (submerged)

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    A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The...
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