Official Joke Thread (submerged) - Page 326 - Dodge Charger Forums
Charger Chat Lounge This section is for socializing and 'just for fun' type threads. Please post those threads ONLY within this section!

 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
#3251 Old 12-09-2012, 07:53 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron380 View Post
Thanks for keeping this going Jackyy!
You're welcome...I wish some of you guys would chime in with a joke or two along as I think I am about to deplete my joke library

07 Crystal Black Pearl R/T w Road & Track, fully loaded, 35% Tint, DEI Hood Scoop, Mopar CAI, Mopar vent shades, Brylcreemed
jackyy is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#3252 Old 12-09-2012, 07:55 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive. 'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.

'Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."

'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went. 'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'

'What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible.'

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'was the sex not good?'

"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again.
jackyy is online now  
#3253 Old 12-09-2012, 08:11 PM
R/T MUSCLE
Senior Member
 
R/T MUSCLE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Flushing Q. New York City
Posts: 2,079
Thanks: 1
Thanked 23 Times in 23 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)
Hey jackyy, I copied three jokes that you posted and made a hit at my daughters house, Bloomingdals, the speeder and the highway patrol, and the best one was the maid wanting a raise in pay. We laughed our butts off.

Thanks Big John

2010 Dodge Charger R/T with Road and Track group package,tinted all around. Black Crystal Pearl coat paint. 1966 Pontiac GTO tripower 4spd, 390posi. GTO made the cover of High Performance Pontiac Magazine Dec/92
R/T MUSCLE is offline  
#3254 Old 12-09-2012, 09:11 PM
RTinWA
Supporting Member (Lifetime)
 
RTinWA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 148
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by R/T MUSCLE View Post
Hey jackyy, I copied three jokes that you posted and made a hit at my daughters house, Bloomingdals, the speeder and the highway patrol, and the best one was the maid wanting a raise in pay. We laughed our butts off.

Thanks Big John
Yeah, the maid wanting the raise one was hilarious LOL

Thanks jackyy!


2009 Acura RL ~ Crystal Black Pearl ~ Black Leather Interior ~ Tech Package
RTinWA is offline  
#3255 Old 12-10-2012, 05:56 AM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please."

As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
jackyy is online now  
#3256 Old 12-10-2012, 07:00 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."

"Like this?"

"A little more..."

"Like this?"

"No. A little more..."

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"
jackyy is online now  
#3257 Old 12-11-2012, 03:55 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
How do you get fifty old women to yell the word "S**T" at the same time?

A: Have another one yell "BINGO"!!!
jackyy is online now  
#3258 Old 12-12-2012, 08:39 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
Baseball in Heaven

Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.


Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season.


They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.


One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.


"Bob is that you?" Earl asked.


"Of course it me," Bob replied.


"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"


"Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"


"Tell me the good news first."


"Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl."


"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"


"You're pitching tomorrow night."
jackyy is online now  
#3259 Old 12-13-2012, 06:55 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes said
Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some ------- has stolen our tent."
jackyy is online now  
#3260 Old 12-14-2012, 06:41 PM
jackyy
Senior Member
 
jackyy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Jackson, TN
Posts: 4,408
Thanks: 0
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
NEWS FLASH!

There will be no Christmas celebration in Washington, DC this year. Apparently they could not find three wise men.
jackyy is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  Dodge Charger Forums > Off-Topic Area > Charger Chat Lounge

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Dodge Charger Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode


Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Unofficial Clean Joke Thread navy48 Off-Topic 0 06-02-2010 07:44 AM
Official Chuck Norris Joke Thread! ChargeRonDavinS Charger Chat Lounge 97 02-28-2009 07:18 PM
Today's joke thread..... arfur Off-Topic 18 04-06-2007 01:24 PM
Todays joke thread moparknighthawk Off-Topic 1 04-03-2007 10:26 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome