Things I've learned to never say to my wife!

[shonkwid]

God love my wife - she puts up with my stupid@$$ and protects me from myself. Like any dog, men learn over the enjoyable time of marriage to avoid saying/doing certain things. Here is what I have learned NOT to say or do:

1) To say, "Can I have that?" - Mistake Why: If I want something, it's easier to buy it, then pay the conseqeunce later - If I ask for it, theres no way in hell I am getting it.
2) To say, "Are you sure?" - Mistake Why: When I receive permission for something (i.e. golfing/bowling) I dont want to know if she is sure, I just need to know when to show up!
3) To use the word "you". - Mistake Why: In a marriage, there is no "you" there is only "we". To that end using "you" implies that I dont want to have anything to do with it - therefore my wife's switch changes polarity, and suddenly I find myself in Church instead of Golfing.
4) To deny power tool use. Mistake Why: The more afraid my wife is of power tools, the less she comes out to the garage, giving me more time to fool around with the Charger!
5) To learn to speak Spanish. Mistake Why: This way, I can claim ignorance 99% of the time when I see her family. Drinking beer is plenty of talking on my part!


What are some of the things you've learned not to say or do with your significant other?

[birddog]

My wife always interpreters my questions before acknowledging it.

My wife most often drinks diet soda, but sometimes prefers regular.
Mistake, when taking her order for BK. "Do you want coke or diet?"
A: "Why? Do you think I need diet?! OK then, I'll have diet!"
Me: "Give me a break.. I am a simple, shallow man, if I thought you needed to drink diet, I would have said 'I think you should drink diet'. All I REALLY meant to ask you is: 'Do you want coke or diet?' -- there is no hidden agenda in that question!

[Megkins]

Hahahaha! This should be a good thread...

[StoneWhite/Boise]

Any response to " hows this look" other than "D@MN you look good"

:)

[TwistedCherry]

Either not too many men on here are married, or non of them are allowed to talk..lol

[Chargeit!]

My wife hates when I say 'get in the kitchen and cook me a steak, thats why I hired you in the first place!' Dont know why.. women are so sensitive...

[birddog]

As we were driving away from our wedding reception, I quipped:
"Well I'm glad that's over."


Big Mistake!!

[HemiChemi]

God love my wife - she puts up with my stupid@$$ and protects me from myself. Like any dog, men learn over the enjoyable time of marriage to avoid saying/doing certain things. Here is what I have learned NOT to say or do:

1) To say, "Can I have that?" - Mistake Why: If I want something, it's easier to buy it, then pay the conseqeunce later - If I ask for it, theres no way in hell I am getting it.

It's easier to get forgiveness than permission... :grin:




2) To say, "Are you sure?" - Mistake Why: When I receive permission for something (i.e. golfing/bowling) I dont want to know if she is sure, I just need to know when to show up!
How stupid can one person be? :smoke: :grin: :rolleyes:





3) To use the word "you". - Mistake Why: In a marriage, there is no "you" there is only "we". To that end using "you" implies that I dont want to have anything to do with it - therefore my wife's switch changes polarity, and suddenly I find myself in Church instead of Golfing.
Repeat after me: "Yes, dear!" :slapper:



4) To deny power tool use. Mistake Why: The more afraid my wife is of power tools, the less she comes out to the garage, giving me more time to fool around with the Charger!

Tell her it'll ruin her nails, and give her calluses! :laugh:





5) To learn to speak Spanish. Mistake Why: This way, I can claim ignorance 99% of the time when I see her family. Drinking beer is plenty of talking on my part!

"Cerveza, por favor," is all the Spanish a man needs to know!





What are some of the things you've learned not to say or do with your significant other?

Together with "Yes, dear", the only other thing a man routinely needs to say to his wife (or significant other) is, "I'm sorry, dear!" :(



"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."
— Red Green

[mmaloy]

Together with "Yes, dear", the only other thing a man routinely needs to say to his wife (or significant other) is, "I'm sorry, dear!" :(



"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."
— Red GreenYes dear?!??!? Sorry dear?!??! What is this............the Village Dudes?!?:smoke: :eek: :grin:

[Go Man GO 3521]

I always buy the wife flowers almost every trip to the store ....I believe that it is easier to build up the brownie points prior to needing them....or asking forgiveness.

[Buck70]

What are some of the things you've learned not to say or do with your significant other?


I have 2 daughters from my first marriage,
SO
When my second wife and I agreed that we would not have kids of our own, she said "then you need to go have a vasectomy"

To which I replied, "But i might want to have kids with my third wife"

In hindsight, it seemed pretty funny at the time to me, but it was quite awhile before she thought so too. Guess I'm lucky she still puts up with me 18 years later.
DB

[Dmacell]

I can fix that...is a phrase that always gets me into trouble.
Whenever she asks how she looks I always tell her she looks hot. (I still think so)
After 19 years of marriage saying "I Love you" makes up for a lot of stupid things I can say in a day...but not all.

[shonkwid]

Some of the stuff on here is pretty funny.

Last night I was watching the Cowboys Game - and my wife had just taken a shower and put on a slinky wrap........
Recall that it's the first week of football season - and the game was close!
She asked me, "Dont you want to come to bed?"
I looked at the TV, and was thinking <<its the start of the third quarter....this could take until when>> <<quarters last about 45 minutes.....it'll take about 20 - so there would be ~ 8 minutes left>> Plenty of football to watch!

So when I got in bed I hit the <<Record>> on the Tivo - the wife asked me what I was doing.......

And I said "Nothin"!

If I would have told her I was recording football - that would have ended the excitement - for certain!

[HemiChemi]

Yes dear?!??!? Sorry dear?!??! What is this............the Village Dudes?!?:smoke: :eek: :grin:
Go treadmill yourself! :monster: :smoke: :grin:

[StoneWhite/Boise]

Go treadmill yourself! :monster: :smoke: :grin:

:grin: :grin: :grin:

[shonkwid]

Go treadmill yourself! :monster: :smoke: :grin:


HaHa!

:)

[funk doctor]

Some of the stuff on here is pretty funny.

So when I got in bed I hit the <<Record>> on the Tivo - the wife asked me what I was doing.......

And I said "Nothin"!

If I would have told her I was recording football - that would have ended the excitement - for certain!

Oh man, do I need a Tivo. I think this story would be a neat commercial.

[arfur]

..............."No".............. :smoke:

[zoomzoom1]

:dead: Never say<<<aahhh, I didn't hear ya>>>>:knockout:

[HemiChemi]

The MOST unforgiveable utterance said to one's significant other is to answer the question, "Do these make me look fat?" with anything other than, "Of course not, Dear!" :nervous s :nervous s :nervous s :nervous s

[XLR8]

"I'm going to keep this car until it's paid for".

[phenwick]

Honey, wanna learn to shoot my .357?

Friends tell me they are going to teach their wives how to shoot and handle guns.
My reply to them is, " Did you think this all the way through?".

[funk doctor]

We recnelty played "THE NEWLYWED" Board game. A question asked, "what would you do if your husband got a gorgeous new secretary at his office?"

She replied, "call the office all day everyday" or something to that effect.

I said, "hmmm, I didn't know you were the jealous type. Our secretary already is mighty damn fine."

She replied, "which one, the one that flirts with you about being a young college professor."

I don't ever recall saying she flirts...just that her teasing me is starting to annoy me. Same ol' jokes, different day.

Well, a day hasn't gone by, since playing that game, that I haven't heard a side remark about the "mighty damn fine" secretary.

[Megkins]

We recnelty played "THE NEWLYWED" Board game. A question asked, "what would you do if your husband got a gorgeous new secretary at his office?"

She replied, "call the office all day everyday" or something to that effect.

I said, "hmmm, I didn't know you were the jealous type. Our secretary already is mighty damn fine."

She replied, "which one, the one that flirts with you about being a young college professor."

I don't ever recall saying she flirts...just that her teasing me is starting to annoy me. Same ol' jokes, different day.

Well, a day hasn't gone by, since playing that game, that I haven't heard a side remark about the "mighty damn fine" secretary.


Yeah...that's not good. What were you thinking?!??!?! LOL :smoke:

[HemiChemi]

Here's another thing not to say:

"Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

[Aremel]

Waking her up at 1:00 a.m. to tell her that Dodge just came out with the "Super Bee" the night after I bought my SRT8. She cooly replied, "You and your next wife can buy the Super Bee" and went back to sleep. (I'd bought and traded three Charger in less than a year prior to that.)

Calling her on my cell phone when she knows I'm at the dealer. I am no longer allowed to go there without her. It's really the only thing I am not allowed to do. Seriously. I can go out alone without her at night for a few brews and even dancing. When Hooters was here she'd push me out the door to go there and watch some football just to get me out of the house. No going to the Dodge dealer alone though.

Last, saying "Yes dear" is prohibited. She really turns from being the greatest wife in the world into something I can't describe here. Not sure why, just know I shouldn't do it.

[red35]

I think we all have the same wife, except for Aremel's. My wife would never send me off alone to go dancing and hell would feeze over before she sent me to Hooter's.

The best advice Igot was from my father in law...."get the last word in before you go out the door...






































yes ma'am."

[MySRT8U]

Either not too many men on here are married, or non of them are allowed to talk..lol

I'm not married and I'm still not allowed to talk...what gives? lol

[Aremel]

I think we all have the same wife, except for Aremel's. My wife would never send me off alone to go dancing and hell would feeze over before she sent me to Hooter's.

I've done a lot of bad stuff in my life, but I've never cheated on a woman. I don't think the woman exists that could make me do so. She'd really have to be one he!! of a woman because I would have to commit to leaving mine to do so.

It's just that easy and she knows it.

[couch702]

I must have not know what to say to my wife. I had to have been saying the wrong things for a while because she left me, and we werent even fighting. I did even know that there was anything wrong. Just one day she told me she doesnt love me anymore and was leaving. So I dont think I have anything to add to this thread but my little sob story.

[Aremel]

The exact same thing happened with my first wife. Just one day out of the blue she said she was leaving. She was in the middle of cooking dinner, just shut off the stove and left. I was devastated and didn't understand. I learned a lot from that experience and it accounts for a lot of why my marriage is what it is now.

We're both here because we want to be here. There's no guilt or other compelling reason to stay if either of us doesn't want to.

[couch702]

well obviously the way I feel right now I dont ever want to get married again. But as time goes by wounds heal, but the scar wont fade.

[shonkwid]

So my wife liked watching that American Idol show. She talked me into watching it - I usually only watched the first 2 shows to see all the people who suck, but they think they can sing. Anyway, it was one of the last shows year before last; this tall beautiful dark-haired girl was singing - and she was just an OK singer; and I blurt out without thinking: "She's only in the final two because she's really pretty"! I have heard about the "Really Pretty" American Idol girl ever since - she hasnt let it go yet - little pit-bull of a wife!

[shonkwid]

Here's another thing not to say:

"Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?"


Jesus - I've been there! Seems like they save up the answers!:)

[mojo]

I must be doing something right after 21 years. I can't think of anything I've said wrong lately. Of course there's always the chance she's just not telling me about it.

[birddog]

I must be doing something right after 21 years. I can't think of anything I've said wrong lately. Of course there's always the chance she's just not telling me about it.

So how long has your wife been a deaf mute? :)

[StoneWhite/Boise]

Uhmm what did you say?, or sorry hun what were you talking about?, or I'm sorry were you talking to me?

I dont know why women think we dont listen:)

[bee0498]

My wife and I were having a wonderful Saturday morning. The sky was blue; light whispy clouds floated by ever so pleasantly. As we drive, holding hands, she says, "Last night, Dad was telling this story..."

I interrupt in a gruf tone, "Oh, this isn't another one of his stories where everyone else is an idiot and he's the only one that knows anything, is it?"

Needless to say, the handholding stopped and the wonderful Saturday morning turned into misery. All she did for the remaining hour of our trip was turn her head and body and look out the passenger window.

She's not mentioned the story her Dad told since (it's been over a week). I must have hit the nail on the head. :smoke:

[birddog]

... she says, "Last night, Dad was telling this story..."

I interrupt in a gruf tone, "Oh, this isn't another one of his stories where everyone else is an idiot and he's the only one that knows anything, is it?"
...

She's not mentioned the story her Dad told since (it's been over a week). I must have hit the nail on the head. :smoke:

You've got to find out what that story was! Unfortunately, obtaining that information will be extremely painful and humiliating.

[bee0498]

You've got to find out what that story was! Unfortunately, obtaining that information will be extremely painful and humiliating.

You're right about that being painful and humiliating. It's definitely better to let sleeping dogs lie.

If I'm ever feeling a little masochistic, I'll ask her and post what happens.

[Megkins]

The exact same thing happened with my first wife. Just one day out of the blue she said she was leaving. She was in the middle of cooking dinner, just shut off the stove and left. I was devastated and didn't understand. I learned a lot from that experience and it accounts for a lot of why my marriage is what it is now.

We're both here because we want to be here. There's no guilt or other compelling reason to stay if either of us doesn't want to.

OMG that is so sad! :( Wow...Did you ever get closure on that situation? Ever find out why?


Seriously. I can go out alone without her at night for a few brews and even dancing. When Hooters was here she'd push me out the door to go there and watch some football just to get me out of the house.



I am the same way. I push my man to go out and have fun. He is the ONLY one out of his BIG group of friends who is allowed to go out where ever he wants, and not have to lie about it. All of his friends make up these elaborate lies.. about where they are going. It's quite sad really. Trust is #1 and HUGE in our relationship.

[shonkwid]

OMG that is so sad! :( Wow...Did you ever get closure on that situation? Ever find out why?



I am the same way. I push my man to go out and have fun. He is the ONLY one out of his BIG group of friends who is allowed to go out where ever he wants, and not have to lie about it. All of his friends make up these elaborate lies.. about where they are going. It's quite sad really. Trust is #1 and HUGE in our relationship.

You need to talk to my wife! She wants to know who I work with even! Dont even let her catch me "eyeing" a waitress or some hot lady! She's extremely jealous!

[arfur]

I'm very lucky in that respect - SWMBO gives me a lot of freedom - crumbs - I'm even allowed to live on another Continent! :)

Saying that, she was unsure of the whole Hooters thing, until she went with some of my work mates and I....now she just thinks it's a sad way to drum up business and was depressed that we just talked about cars and who the biggest nob in the office was.... :ninja:

[Megkins]

You need to talk to my wife! She wants to know who I work with even! Dont even let her catch me "eyeing" a waitress or some hot lady! She's extremely jealous!

Oh man! That's too bad :(

[arfur]

You need to talk to my wife! She wants to know who I work with even! Dont even let her catch me "eyeing" a waitress or some hot lady! She's extremely jealous!
Can't think why - you're a monstrosity! :devil:





:D

[StoneWhite/Boise]

You need to talk to my wife! She wants to know who I work with even! Dont even let her catch me "eyeing" a waitress or some hot lady! She's extremely jealous!

Thats rough man, my wife will point them out for me, she usually makes the comments, I know better.....

[TwistedCherry]

Obviously you are going to be quite different in your next relationship. Its up to you if its for the bad or the good. Dont even think or worry about getting married right now...

Take care of you and your little girls....


well obviously the way I feel right now I dont ever want to get married again. But as time goes by wounds heal, but the scar wont fade.

[Megkins]

Thats rough man, my wife will point them out for me, she usually makes the comments, I know better.....

LOL that's what I do but I didn't want him to feel even worse.

[shonkwid]

Can't think why - you're a monstrosity! :devil:





:D

Wanka!


:smile:

[birddog]

The exact same thing happened with my first wife. Just one day out of the blue she said she was leaving. She was in the middle of cooking dinner, just shut off the stove and left. I was devastated and didn't understand. I learned a lot from that experience and it accounts for a lot of why my marriage is what it is now.

Either you were not paying attention to the signs or she is a sociopath!!
Healthy people don't behave that way. (BTW.. I suspect the later and I am sympathize for you).

[arfur]

Either you were not paying attention to the signs or she is a sociopath!!
Healthy people don't behave that way. (BTW.. I suspect the later and I am sympathize for you).
Absolutely agree......

[TwistedCherry]

Things my husband has learned not to ask me:

How much was that?
Why?
Do we really need that?
Do you really have to have that?
I thought you had a purse / shoes / rings/ etc. already.
But you dont cook all the time, why do we need stuff for the kitchen?
No, I wont let you bring the dogs into the bed!
Can you move the dog over, hes kicking my back?
Why are there more pics of the horse than me on your desk?



Hes a smart man, he learns..lol

[shonkwid]

Either you were not paying attention to the signs or she is a sociopath!!
Healthy people don't behave that way. (BTW.. I suspect the later and I am sympathize for you).

I think 'Dog is on to something here - sounds like her elevator stopped going all the way up for some reason. As people, we should never blame ourselves for someone elses mistakes - as Yoda said, "There is no try - there is only "do", or "do not""; this applies to just about everything in life.

[arfur]

I think 'Dog is on to something here - sounds like her elevator stopped going all the way up for some reason. As people, we should never blame ourselves for someone elses mistakes - as Yoda said, "There is no try - there is only "do", or "do not""; this applies to just about everything in life.
Fcuk me - he's a bl00dy Jedi master now...... :grin:

[shonkwid]

Fcuk me - he's a bl00dy Jedi master now...... :grin:

You heard about that Hooters (since you mentioned it) waitress (I think in South Carolina - correct me if I'm wrong) who thought she had won a Toyota for a Hooters Beer selling contest? Her boss had purchased a "Toy Yoda" - and she ended up suing Hooters over it. They blindfolded her, and walked her out into the parking lot - and proceeded to hand her a doll!

True story - apparently everyone but her knew it was a complete joke.........dont know who won the lawsuit tho.

[HemiChemi]

I'm very lucky in that respect - SWMBO gives me a lot of freedom - crumbs - I'm even allowed to live on another Continent! :)

Saying that, she was unsure of the whole Hooters thing, until she went with some of my work mates and I....now she just thinks it's a sad way to drum up business and was depressed that we just talked about cars and who the biggest nob in the office was.... :ninja:
Was it you, or Shonkwid? :grin:

[arfur]

You heard about that Hooters (since you mentioned it) waitress (I think in South Carolina - correct me if I'm wrong) who thought she had won a Toyota for a Hooters Beer selling contest? Her boss had purchased a "Toy Yoda" - and she ended up suing Hooters over it. They blindfolded her, and walked her out into the parking lot - and proceeded to hand her a doll!

True story - apparently everyone but her knew it was a complete joke.........dont know who won the lawsuit tho.
Actually - I did know about that.

And - on the one hand, I thought it was a little mean TBH. On the other - it was inspirational! :nervous s

[arfur]

Was it you, or Shonkwid? :grin:
Jury's still out...... :smoke:

[shonkwid]

Was it you, or Shonkwid? :grin:


Hey!



:)

[Aremel]

Well, out of respect for her, I'll just say the reality was that the marriage was inevitably doomed. There was a significant difference in age and one of us had a bit of a dependancy issue with the brew. She wanted me working at minimum wage and my sights were set a little higher with education. We grew apart quickly but it was really great for a couple of years.

Trust is the key for any marriage and I am amused with friends who have such a difficult time with their wives. I've been kissed and even hit on (a few years ago) in front of my wife. She knows I know where home is and what I have.

The funniest thing she's said to me was that we needed another wife. I'll play it safe that she was kidding.

[funk doctor]

So my wife liked watching that American Idol show. She talked me into watching it - I usually only watched the first 2 shows to see all the people who suck, but they think they can sing. Anyway, it was one of the last shows year before last; this tall beautiful dark-haired girl was singing - and she was just an OK singer; and I blurt out without thinking: "She's only in the final two because she's really pretty"! I have heard about the "Really Pretty" American Idol girl ever since - she hasnt let it go yet - little pit-bull of a wife!

I feel your pain.....read my earlier post in this same thread
; http://www.chargerforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=845268&postcount=23

[arfur]

I can honestly say that I have never been in a relationship with a girl who is anything like those tales. Nor would I ever be.

[shonkwid]

Well, even though I have "Wife Stories" - I love her with all my heart and wouldnt trade her for the world. I can put up with a little craziness I think....

[arfur]

Well, even though I have "Wife Stories" - I love her with all my heart and wouldnt trade her for the world. I can put up with a little craziness I think....
Sounds fair to me.

p.s. I'm not in today, cos I feel like chit..... Not that anybody there will care! :grin:

[StoneWhite/Boise]

So, if your lady has the day off and you come home from work do not ask "So what have you been doing all day".........Just dont do it:)

[wiesek]

So anyway I'm reading this thread yesterday and laughing and cringing as I read each post and I was thinking dang glad it's not like that for me.:smoke: :silenced: So that being said, last night I got that foot in mouth disease big time. The wife and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie our daughter was asleep and my wife looked at me and out of the blue said " carry me to bed". and I laughed and said "what are you lazy?" :cry: I realized what had happened right after the words left my mouth, She looked at me and said well ya missed your chance. And to top it all off along with the bruises from repeatedly kicking myself today is out 11th anniversery. I'm going to have to go and clean out a flower shop or to for this one. :knockout:

[arfur]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

<sn1gger.......>






<Guffaw......>






<Chortle......>




<MWWAHAAAHAAAHAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!>

[wiesek]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

<sn1gger.......>






<Guffaw......>






<Chortle......>




<MWWAHAAAHAAAHAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!>



YEP I'm an Idiot.

[Curz]

Sounds fair to me.

p.s. I'm not in today, cos I feel like chit..... Not that anybody there will care! :grin:

wow, is that how you call in sick? on chargerforums? lol

[arfur]

wow, is that how you call in sick? on chargerforums? lol
Heh - yeah - hadn't thought of that! Doug's got me covered....... :lol:

[shonkwid]

Sounds fair to me.

p.s. I'm not in today, cos I feel like chit..... Not that anybody there will care! :grin:


Well, I'll miss you!

[arfur]

Well, I'll miss you!
Yeah - whateva!

And stop drawing all over my bl00dy white board - that's there for important information, don't ya know! :grin:

[shonkwid]

What? You mean like the diagram of how "stuff is supposed to work"?

[Only1EDA]

This thread is toooo funny lol

[arfur]

What? You mean like the diagram of how "stuff is supposed to work"?
Yeah - mebbe. But the issue is that the carp you draw on there clearly doesn't! :p

:D:D

[red35]

This thread is toooo funny lol

+1 :lol:

I can't believbe Arfur called in sick on the forum.......

and his supervisor got it! I want a job like that!

[arfur]

+1 :lol:

I can't believbe Arfur called in sick on the forum.......

and his supervisor got it! I want a job like that!
LOL - Doug's not my supervisor! :D:D

He's one of a team of guys I work with on a project. I actually represent the customer, so in reality, he has to kiss my feet.....:grin: :grin: :grin: