September Jokes... post em here

[DAYTONA_R/T]

OK guys... lets see your jokes http://www.chevyavalanchefanclub.com/cafcna/Smileys/cafcna/laugh.gif

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YOUNG NUN NAMED SISTER MARGARET MARY,
WHO WORKS FOR A LOCAL HOME HEALTH AGENCY,
WAS OUT MAKING HER ROUNDS,

WHEN SHE RAN OUT OF GAS.
AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT
A GAS STATION WAS JUST A BLOCK AWAY.

SHE WALKED TO THE STATION
to BORROW A CAN TO START WITH
AND DRIVE TO THE STATION FOR A
FILL UP.

THE ATTENDANT REGRETFULLY TOLD HER
THE ONLY GAS CAN HE OWNED HAD BEEN
LOANED OUT BUT IF SHE WOULD WAIT
IT WAS SURE TO BE BACK SHORTLY.

SINCE THE NUN WAS ON THE WAY TO SEE A PATIENT SHE DECIDED NOT TO WAIT
AND SHE WALKED BACK TO THE CAR.
AFTER LOOKING THROUGH THE CAR FOR
SOMETHING TO FILL WITH GAS,
SHE SPOTTED A BEDPAN SHE WAS TAKING TO THE
PATIENT.

ALWAYS RESOURCEFUL SHE CARRIED IT TO THE STATION, FILLED IT WITH
GASOLINE,
AND CARRIED IT BACK TO HER CAR.

AS SHE WAS POURING THE
GAS INTO THE TANK TWO MEN WERE WATCHING FROM ACROSS THE STREET.

ONE TURNED TO THE OTHER AND SAID, "IF IT STARTS, I'M TURNING CATHOLIC."

[DAYTONA_R/T]

To be re- released soon..........

[GoManDaytona]

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

[GoManDaytona]

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."

[hopster]

We've all been here before :rolleyes:

[hopster]

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and being a worrier she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten.

She walked him to school the first couple of days but then he came home one day and he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys." He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.

One day as the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs on their way to school, the little friend of Timmy's noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?" Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is." The little friend said, "Well who is she?" "That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said. "Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer psalm says "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life," so I guess I'll just have to get used to it. :whistle: